Well I’m supposed to be writing 9 different pieces of writing for my course today. I assigned my wonderful sunny Saturday purely to this. I even (gasp) got up early and went for a walk in Richmond Park to get some fresh air and to wake myself up in preparation. Alas I am sitting here writing this instead as I cannot concentrate for the screaming girls in my flat, I woke up to them having sex in the kitchen. My initial reaction was to scream but I don’t want to be a party pooper so I kept to myself and just had an angry walk instead. Now I want to punch someone. Not going to obviously but the desire is there.
Anywhoo (deep breaths), I haven’t written here for a while. I’ve been on holiday from uni for the past four weeks and I’ve done sod all. I lost any motivation whatsoever and became ill. I suppose it’s probably completely natural to do so after a deadline. I assume that everyone has the ability to just keep going non-stop but it’s not possible. I haven’t been sensible and I haven’t been looking after myself. To counteract this in the future I’m starting to moderate my work, i.e. not winging it on my shoots and making it hard on myself in the editing process.
The flat was due to be full of the screaming ladies last night so I decided to take myself to the cinema and it was wonderful. I went to see The Painted Veil and loved it. I’m not sure if it was a good film or whether I’m just incredibly biased when it comes to Edward Norton but I really enjoyed it. The unconventional love story was really captivating and the backdrop of China in the late 1920s was fascinating. More time for myself is greatly needed as it definitely makes me feel energized and clear headed.
Right vent over, so back to the purpose of the blog, my struggles with trying to be a filmmaker. I had high hopes for the last 4 weeks. I was to get firmly to grips with Avid, master the camera and have my entire production folder completed. This was not to be as soon after term finished my body gave in and I spent nearly two weeks feeling like there was nothing left in me. I’m desperately trying to get my motivation back but even at present it’s pretty half-hearted.
I am at a crisis about the kind of films I want to make and the style I want to be mine. I look to the films I love and I look to those I don’t for help and I’m still slightly stuck. I try and watch as many documentaries as I can but a lot of them I pass over time and time again as so many are just plain dull. There is not an amazing amount if difference in subject matter on British TV these days. Panorama seems to focus mainly on the NHS and while this is an important subject matter surely, with their audience they’re preaching to the converted. Dispatches seem to focus on the Middle East which is necessary as there is so much information that needs to be shown, and they do approach it from various angles so provide a strand which is excellent. BBC4 seem to focus on the more niche subjects, their recent music films were extremely good but very ‘BBC’ and their series on the History of Racism was excellent. Occasionally there seems to be a diamond on the rough and there is the odd film on something extremely random which is wonderful but there needs to be a lot more.
When I first thought about the films I wanted to make I thought I would love to make a film about Body Image. However now I’m not so sure. I can’t believe that there have been two near identical programs with people dieting down to a size zero for our viewing pleasure, surely one was enough and everything from the opposite angle is about obesity. Where is the middle ground, are people only interested in the extreme. What about the story of their target audience? The ordinary women of whom are varying sizes but whom obsess about their weight constantly trying to change feeling their life will be fulfilled by having the perfect body that only 1% of the world possess, of which is completely impossible. How about a series of programs that show the viewing public that they are fine as they are and this obsession with perfection is ridiculous and that help to boost self-esteem. Every program about bettering yourself appears to tell us that we are either dressing badly or that we need plastic surgery rather that celebrating the diversity of people and that the fact that we are all different body sizes, shapes and dress senses is a wonderful thing. Pah!
Anyway back to my main point. I am bored with a large majority of documentaries, when I talk to people my age about documentaries most don’t watch them as they are seen as largely dull and are seen as only being viewed by people of their parents age or older. This has got to change. Documentaries can be extremely enjoyable when done right and those with a strong visual style don’t have to be reserved for the more art-based or strangely vague films. A mixture of strong subject matter and visual style could get a new audience and could inform without inducing boredom. I suppose it’s also the struggle of appearing to be honest and truthful. The worse the filming seems to evoke the impression that the filming is more realistic and less staged. This surely doesn’t have to be set in stone. Considered filming of reality is possible. I just have to figure out how to do it.
