I am offically unemployed for the first time since I was 14. As probably could have been expected, I’m bored. More accurately I still haven’t managed to switch my brain from mania mode to having the ability to relax, perhaps that’s a good thing.

I have decided to take a definite month off and achieve several goals during that time, whilst also sorting my life out. I put so much on hold over the last year because I wanted to dedicate myself to filmmaking and the main casualty of that has been my friendships, many of which have deteriorated beyond repair.

I have realised that for the last few years I have been trying to resolve my lack of confidence by educating myself to a riduclous degree and this was re-affirmed when I started thinking about what I wanted to use my time off for and began making lists of computer programs to learn and vast reading lists. My greatest downfall in every aspect of my life is my lack of confidence and the second guessing and general inner-bashing I constantly give myself. This month off is now dedicated to eradicating this to the best of my ability. The failings with the film were largely down to second guessing myself and so part of this resolution is to make several very short films in which I take risks. Knowing there is no deadline or grade associated with the outcome may help or hinder, we’ll see.

I also need to pursue my photography, I was so pleasantly suprised with the Texas photos that I need to carry on, especially with portraiture.

During this first week off I have realised that more than anything I don’t want to take a 9-5 job within the industry yet. This may put me back in regards to progessing my CV but ultimately I want to make films so I want to try and take a job that allows me to pursue that for the next year, even if it means taking a non-related job. The one thing the course left me with was the love of filmmaking and the drive to continue, so that is the aim.

I want a massively creative and happy year, hopefully without going bankrupt, but we’ll see on that. I have committed myself to putting all my attempts up here, so if anyone reads this there could be several laughs in store for the next few months. I hope there will be some pleasant suprises too…