Well I am a sell-out and ended up getting a job, a day job nonetheless. However I relented getting a day job due it’s restrictions on my time, whereas for some reason they trust me to choose when I work which is simply blissful.

I’ve found, over the last few weeks, a need to get away from anything to do with the course, my film, and the documentary industry in general. This complete u-turn from my previous existence of living and breathing documentary worried me at first. The common trap among those in my situation of new-found academic freedom is to gain a job, enjoy having money and put all their previous dreams and aspirations on hold. I felt that I was dipping my toes into this sea of boredom and bitter regret.

Strangely I’ve found, as the days have passed, a gradual passage through different feelings towards my current situation from my initial grumblings about getting up early and a vicious commute, to my fears that I was putting my dreams on hold; actually not caring about them at all, to feeling curiously liberated. Having worked with fewer people than I could count on one hand for the last year at my previous job I am now amongst thousands and it’s so wonderful to be amongst a huge variety of people again. I find it inspiring, fascinating and oddly comforting.

In theory being amongst such a large group of people should have made my self-conscious nature paralyse any ounce of confidence I possess, however I’ve actually found it’s really helped me. I feel that slowly I’m beginning to finally realise the person I have been striving to allow to emerge for my entire life. I notoriously mentally beat myself and find myself walking along giving myself a constant bollocking for the many things I haven’t done. This new environment, instead, seems to have produced a small level of pride as to who I am and allowed to me to believe I am capable of achieving the many things I want to, and for no discernible reason.